Marissa & Jax Now I hate me to
by HeavenLeighSOA
Summary: Marissa deals with everything she has been put through in her life, and maybe now everything is banging at the walls in her head. How can her brother help her? Jax/OC


Help, I have done it again

I have been here many times before

Hurt myself again today

And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame

Marissa dropped her bag on the floor of the apartment, ignoring Nathan's calls as she slid down the side of the wall sitting on the ground. The house was dark, and empty, Just like it had been for the last six months. She felt lost, not because she didn't have Juice around, Marissa was dealing with that and knowing he would get out kept her going but every time she was alone it got the worse. The nightmares seemed to always come around when she was no longer with someone who could help her get through it, and lately that was all the time. Marissa felt tears prick her eyes as she stood up; walking up the stairs towards the bedroom she normally shared with Juice. She chewed on her lip as she stood in front of the full length mirror hating what she saw, and hating her own self.

Be my friend

Hold me, wrap me up

Unfold me

I am small

I'm needy

Warm me up

And breathe me

Jax had been riding around town while Lauren spent some time with her sister Kate and brother Brian, which Jax didn't mind. He knew what it was like to need your siblings around, even if they drove you nuts most times. Jax sighed, taking his cell phone out of his pocket, he read the caller ID. Jax shook his head reading Nathan's name, he told Nathan to leave him alone today, and that he was taking a personal day. Today was the day John Teller died thirteen years ago. Jax hesitated but decided to take the call anyways. Nathan seemed worried as he rushed everything out, something about Marissa not seeming right, talking about hating herself, and then she wasn't taking his calls. Jax figured Marissa was just trying to find some way to blow Nathan off without hurting his feelings but Nathan seemed generally worried, and it was his sister they were talking about so he had no problem starting his bike up again to go check on her. Nothing would be wrong with Marissa anyways.

Ouch I have lost myself again

Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,

Yeah I think that I might break

I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Marissa turned away from the mirror, only to see Clay standing in the bedroom with her, he was bleeding from his chest. "You're not real." Marissa mumbled out before she closed her eyes tight, she needed Clay's image to go away, her Dad's, Chib's. Marissa just wanted it all to stop. She could hear the gun shots in her head; she could feel the Mayan's who had kidnapped her around the room, all whispering in her head. Marissa opened her eyes and found the nightmares still there as tears pricked her eyes. She moved forward, and grabbed onto a meaningless object that sat on the bedside table, but then she heard another gun shot and she threw it at the wall. Marissa wandered out of the bedroom and into the bathroom, standing in front of the sink. She felt sick, and like she couldn't breathe. Marissa just wanted all the noise in her head to go away. All that noise that told her she was a monster, she wasn't good enough, she was a murder, she had been raped, she hurt people, and she just wanted it all to go away.

Be my friend

Hold me, wrap me up

Unfold me

I am small

I'm needy

Warm me up

And breathe me

Jax pulled up outside the apartment, all the lights were off so he assumed that she wasn't answering Nathan's calls because she had gone to bed. But Jax knew better than to just assume with his family, it was better to be a hundred percent sure. Jax cut his engine before he walked up the drive way, the door was partially open which kind of made Jax nervous. He shrugged it off and went in anyways, calling out her name. Jax turned on the light switch in the living room; he saw her bag on the floor so he assumed she was home. When Jax didn't get a reply he just moved forward into the house, heading up the stairs. Jax walked down the hallway and found Marissa standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom crying. He was confused but she literally seemed like she had a hard time breathing, and that she had been crying pretty hard.

Marissa heard Jax call her name, she heard him walk up the stairs and she heard his footsteps stop outside of the bathroom. All she wanted was to collapse in her brother's arms, and tell him to make it all go away. Marissa didn't want to hurt anymore, and she didn't want to be like this anymore. Marissa felt her brother's arms wrap around her waist before she finally collapse onto the floor.

Be my friend

Hold me, wrap me up

Unfold me

Jax kept his arms around his sister as they sat on the bathroom floor; he tried to sooth her as she cried. She kept asking Jax to make it go away, and to help her, but he didn't understand what was happening as he held his little sister close while she cried. Once she mentioned she was seeing their Dad's, he knew she probably wasn't talking about a dream, because truth was Marissa probably wasn't sleeping at all. Jax sighed listening to her sobs as she curled up against him. "It's ok. We're going to be ok." Jax said his voice soft and soothing.

I am small

I'm needy

Warm me up

And breathe me


End file.
